If the World Had a Front Porch...

Turn that trash OFF! I mean, turn it UP!

2011-02-04T23:05:00.005-05:00

I will own that I am hypocritical at times. However, I just observed the following conversation between some of my friends sitting by the t.v. (Note: I am also sitting by the t.v., but am removed from the situation and merely playing Wordtwist on Facebook- very intellectual, btw), and I can tell you is not one of those times where my hypocritism is present:

"The fact that E! channel exists makes me question the human race. It really makes me sick."
"I do NOT want to watch this. Can we PLEASE not watch this? It's just Joan Rivers yelling." Well, after all of 8 seconds, it became obvious what that was code for...

"I love mindless television as much as the next human being."
"Seriously, if only Joan would show us more dresses on the 'Worst Dressed Actresses' list that I could vehemently defend here in this living room!"

Am I glad I didn't get up and change the channel? Absolutely! The poor folks would've been subjected to something worse (read: much better), like a CSI marathon. Fortunately, I knew what the really wanted.

Reasons I Love My Apartment #.... Hold on, let me check.

2011-02-03T22:41:00.002-05:00

5. This is 5. A sheet of paper taped to the inside of the stairwell:
"To whoever took the pile of clothes in the stairwell, please just return them. Thanks for not being a poor example of a human being."... my biggest question is, who is hanging out in the stairwell on the 14th floor?!

Reasons I Love My Apartment #4

2011-01-19T23:21:00.002-05:00

On MLK day, we all had off (except my sister, but we walked to Starbucks to entertain her). We sat around all afternoon playing Euchre and eating pizza. Also, as a result of going out with Erica last Friday (my NY resolution is going strong, so far!), I learned that some bars are pretty much just like Chuck E. Cheese, but with beer. Who knew??

Happy New Resolutions

2011-01-02T18:52:00.000-05:00

Amidst the most popular resolutions typically made by Americans (get fit...ter, spend time with family, stop smoking...so much, eat less...carbs, take up a hobby), my resolution falls most closely with 'learn something new'. As in a previous post, I responded to the expression, 'you learn something new everyday'. However, mine is more along the lines of 'experience something new everyday'. I tend to get really busy with work and really treasure any time I spend at home. However, my appreciation for being home has had me saying "no thanks" to about 91% of my roommates' invitations to go out.

I was thinking the other day (in the shower, obvi) and came to the conclusion that while I didn't notice myself lacking confidence, I could probably gain a lot more from doing new things. I tend to avoid new social situations, mainly because I end up coming across as mute (INFP's have a tendency to come across as reserved, intially, but we are just carefully processing!) and/or I end up using misplaced sarcasm, for which I'm so embarrassed about that I don't even clarify my (apparently oversophisticated) humor which has come across as a blatant insult. You can see my dilemma (and if you happen to have at some point been a victim of small talking with me, I apologize).

And so my theory is this: the more frequently I practice interactions, the more confidence I will have in them. I'm banking on this theory being true. If it isn't, then my mid-year (if not sooner) resolution may be to take up knitting, like Audrey Hepburn.

But seriously, as my friend in high school responded to my lame excuse for being shy, "Hey, quit being selfish. Come and let my friends meet you," my resolution will be to "be less selfish"... and to eat more carbs (if that is actually possible)!

Reasons I Love My Neighborhood #2

2010-12-02T22:50:00.000-05:00

The bus is always late. It's awesome... I was once again baffled by the announcements that they find necessary to communicate. A recorded voice said to us, as we were approaching our final stop, "The driver is instructed not to stop once the bus has pulled away from the curb. If you do not reach the bus in time, please do not attempt to run after it. You may slip and injure yourself, so please do not run after the bus."

And now, a poll:

A. How many bus chasers are out there?

B. How many have slipped as a result of buschasing?

C. Full disclosure- How many have slipped as a result of buschasing that occured atop stray banana peels?

D. Excessively full disclosure- How many have slipped as a result of buschasing that occured atop stray banana peels while being chased by a monkey? Monkey having planted said banana peels on purpose?

I thought so... the more effective announcement would be warning commuters of local, prank-prone monkeys and their banana peel antics. The WMATA is so backwards... and increasingly expensive, but, alas...

Reasons I Love My Apartment #3... Another Apartment Game.

2010-11-29T20:22:00.000-05:00

Read how one sentence on our whiteboard led to another over the course of a few weeks:

Erica, Eat the chicken dish!
Erica, Eat the chickens!
Erica, Get the chicken pox!
Erica, Get the chickens a box!
Erica, Breed the chicken and the ox!
Erica, Bleach the chicken with clorox!

After a few months it now reads:
Erica, Baste the turkey forty-fold! (It seemed fitting to switch birds for Thanksgiving. Hope you had a good one!)

Reasons I Love My Apartment #2

2010-11-15T21:16:00.001-05:00

Well, aside from finding Obama in my purse one day last week on my way to work...

I just got a retainer today for my upper teeth, in preparation for braces. I thought that as an adult, I would appreciate all that this piece of plastic has to offer my teeth. False. After horribly slurring a phone message I was leaving, I ended up complaining this morning to my roommate, Erica, via email. I told her there was too much saliva in my mouth after wearing my retainer for only 2 hours. She wrote: Make sure to stay hydrated to combat the drool! Also, consider bringing a towel to tie around your neck tomorrow. I proceeded to ask if I could borrow one of hers. My roommates are a wealth of practicality.

"Look, isn't this adorable?!! We have a little retainer case by our sink!"
- Erica, as I went to click "publish post".

Have I mentioned yet, how affirming my apartment is?

Reasons I Love My Apartment #1

2010-10-28T20:38:00.001-04:00

This is actually among SEVERAL reasons that I love my apartment, hence its title, The Most Awesome Apartment Ever...TMAAE, for short. (I know, but I said "awesome," not "original".)

Well, recently, the four of us have been posing these caricatured figures of Obama and Pelosi. They have now been in several places- the ice bucket, a boot, a dresser, a lampshade. But most startlingly has been two of Nancy Pelosi's appearances- one in the shower, and one in the sock drawer.

Where will she end up next?

Life

2010-10-22T23:48:00.004-04:00

A few weekends ago, I ended up driving to Amish country with a group gathered by a 79 year old member of our church congregation. I'm not going to lie... part of me (read: most of me) wanted to actually stay home and spend my Saturday getting errands done. However, it ended up being a wonderful day... all 12 hours of it. This particular gentleman has a very optimistic outlook on life, even as he is approaching 80. He says, "Every day should be the best day of your life."

While I understand that the feasibility of that plan is quite near impossible, I ended up thinking about it as I was driving through southern Virginia on a solo road trip visiting a number of people. I decided to stop and appreciate every possible moment of my journey.

My favorite part in particular was on the drive from Raleigh to Harrisonburg. On Sunday at 9:30am, it is difficult to find anything on the radio except for gospel music (especially in the Bible Belt). So, I ended up trying unsuccessfully to remember the words to "Just As I Am", a classic Baptist hymn I'd sung countless times as a kid during the post-sermon alter call. After the song ended, I flipped to the next station and began belting out Little Big Town's "Little White Church". I was having much more success with that one, when I came to a crossroads and realized I had an opportunity to shave some time off of my trip.

However, I was traveling without a GPS. Now I feel strongly that GPS's are not essential technology. I hate that people are unable to get out of their neighborhoods now unless they are told which way to go... by a machine. Call me old-fashioned, but I get a warm and fuzzy feeling inside when I am reminded that I am (sometimes) smarter than machines. Well, I found myself secretly wishing that I could know for a fact that I was making the right decision. After travelling about 30 minutes in suspense, I realized I had triumphed in the face of long, vague, rural roads. That may have been the trip's highlight, especially as the route ended around a beautiful, mountainous lake- which I'd have missed going through the more urban route.

All in all, it was a great chance to enjoy life. Another truth that I believe is along the same lines is that we really do learn new things everyday. Things I have learned this week:
Asians are considered the model minority.
Illinois is the U.S. state that grows the most pumpkins.
Pumpkins grow flowers before they ripen.
Beech Drive ends at Rock Creek Park.
Zucchini bread should be refrigerated to stay fresh.
The French government's current age for retirement is only 60.
Randy Quaid is currently seeking refuge in Canada.

Stop and reflect on how many things you learn in one day. I conclude that even if you don't live every day like it is the best day of your life, perhaps every day you can be the smartest you've ever been in your life. Hmmm.

2010-08-08T15:01:00.000-04:00

A quote from my bank's online help person as we concluded our conversation...

Sara: Thank you for taking out your precious time to chat with me.

Is it just me, or does she sound a smidge insincere? To her credit, she was very helpful.

Overheard at Work #1

2010-07-30T20:30:00.001-04:00

Co-worker: "Well... first, see if you can get rid of the maggots."

I'm not one to talk. This was what I hope no one DID overhear:

Me: "Let me transfer you to Corey. Hang on... uh, hold on....sorry, just one more time."
Karen: "Well, just give me his extension."
Me: "210."
Karen: "Isn't that your extension?"
Me: "... yeah. That would explain it. Hold on... I'll transfer you."
(moments later- after successfully transferring Karen, I might add- my phone rings again.)
Me: "Hey! I was totally about to-- uh, Youth Office, er, can I help you?"
Karen: "Hey, Youth Office."
Me: "It occured to me after I started talking to who I thought was you, that it might not be you, and I didn't know how to transition professionally."
Karen: "Well, it sounds like you'll need to work on that."

Beware: Doors Closing

2010-02-21T16:27:00.005-05:00

Due to recent car troubles, I have been using DC’s public transit system. I have yet to secure a seat on a bus without being in range of someone with an unpleasantly exotic smell (usually arising from their suspicious looking tote bag), but that’s just part of the experience, right? I must say, I appreciate that metro riders in this region are religious followers of the escalator rule- “walkers” on the left, “riders” on the right. Even those who just look like generally oblivious people are very obliging to this rule.

But the highlight of my metro usage came one day as I heard the following statement made over the train speakers. The metro train voice (who is available to hire for emceeing events!) warns,

“Dear passengers, the doors on the metro trains do not operate like the elevator doors you may be familiar with. The doors of the train do not sense obstructions and will automatically close. This means they will close on a hand, or an arm, or a purse. Please do not attempt to hold the doors open.”

I could be wrong, but I feel that if they are going to be that blunt, it would be a more effective warning to actually close on a hand, or an arm, or a foot when it prevents the doors from closing. Maybe it could do both, and then as the passenger is bleeding from the limb(s), the voice could add,

“Dear heedless passenger, I told you that was not an elevator door. Please stay on the red line until we reach the Medical Center stop. Good luck on your recuperation. Please visit again soon.”

Yes, practically, that would likely cause WMATA some headaches. I'm just saying...

Reasons I Love My Neighborhood #1

2010-01-06T18:54:00.002-05:00

There are countless old gentlemen of varying ethnicities who walk around wearing English Ivy caps and jackets with elbow patches, smoking pipes and using walking canes... often with newpapers under their arms. I somehow feel slightly more intelligent simply after driving past any of them.

Echoes vs. Geckos

2009-11-28T17:47:00.001-05:00

So frequently as children (and often as adults, too), we hear catchy songs that we feel the need to sing along with. However, not always knowing the actual words, we’ll find substitute lyrics. Here are some of the songs I have gradually realized the correct words to:

“I’m shavin'” (I’m shameless)

“pants that won’t run out of air” (pens that won’t run out of ink)

“hey, do you want a hug” (hey, do you wanna)

“ain’t no covered charts” (ain’t no cover charge)

“I got geckos in my head” (I’ve got echoes in my head)

It’s really great to know that these songs make a lot more sense now than when I first became attached to them. Every now and then I still hear a song and light is shed on another mysterious lyric. Feel free to post any of your misinterpretations...

Happy Guy Fawkes Day!... I think.

2009-11-04T23:34:00.004-05:00

For some reason, I am always intrigued by the holidays invented by people who are either in dire need of a reason to throw a party or are in dire need of publicly recognizing either obsure people, such as Emma M. Nutt, or common items, such as Scrabble or felt hats.
So, November 5th happens to be Guy Fawkes Day. I expected him to have something to do with hawks... he doesn't. Incidentally, I just studied about his ties to history. Guy Fawkes led the infamous Gunpowder Conspiracy to blow up the British House of Parliament in 1601. Guy was a Catholic who was really put out by the Protestant King James' persecution of Catholics in England. Well, obviously, the plot failed and the British Parliament still has its building. But, now that we are aware of the potential impact the Gunpowder Conspiracy could have had over 400 years ago, today we can celebrate this holiday with fireworks and bonfires... according to the internet... and who doesn't love a good bonfire?

Weening off of Halloween...

2009-10-18T21:02:00.003-04:00

I was having dinner with some people and our host happened to have a catalogue of assorted Halloween costumes on the coffee table. We began browsing it and we eventually noted that throughout the myriad of costume options, any and every adult costume was somehow suggestive. And sure enough, we saw everything from the stereotypical nurse costume, to the "hobo honey". Hobo honey? What in the world? Do parents eventually tell their kid, "You're too old to be a dinosaur, try something more realistic, like a salacious sailor this year." Or maybe as people lose their imagination, they still want to be noticed and so instead of coming up with really good ideas, they just put minimal effort and minimal material into the process, yet receive the same attention. I respect those adults who either a) have accepted the fact that they just aren't into costumes anymore or b) still rise to the occasion really well. Among my favorite costumes to date is my friend Laura's from 3 years ago:

Bluth Family Spin-off?

2009-10-13T21:48:00.003-04:00

So, my boss has always said that our department should at some point, move on to bigger and better things together as a team. For a while, he has had the notion that we should be scripted into a sitcom. This idea has been especially foremost in his mind as he has spent the last two weeks on bedrest, going through Arrested Development seasons I & II.

Today, we were all in not-so-unusual high spirits as we met. The newly-engaged Jessica had just requested that Ryan do a "Good Idea, Bad Idea" segment at her wedding reception. For those of you who grew up watching Animaniacs, you need little to no explanation. For the rest of you, here is a solid example, as illustrated by Ryan. These two images incorporate the following statement, however, the first is a good idea, and the second is a bad idea...

Feeding kittens (good idea);

Feeding kittens to a bear (bad idea).

So, now that you get the idea (if you aren't following yet, you can go ahead and move on to the next blog), this is some of the dialogue that followed:

Ryan: (excitedly) Good idea: a sitcom...
Rob: (in a blurt of laughter) Bad idea: sitting on a guy named, "Com".
(everyone laughs, more out of the anticipation, but calms at the realization of what had actually been said.)

Rob: Good idea: wearing a button-down t-shirt to work.
Jessica: a button-down t-shirt?....

Ryan: Good idea: having a meeting.
Rob: Bad idea: Having a meeting....
We all smile politely while trying to understand what Rob's intonation of "having" means...
Rob: (through tears of laughter) Giving birth to a meeting!
Ryan: (also through tears of laughter)... and all these people come out... wearing suits...

Granted, the tears of laughter may have been my own as we were all in stitches. And then later, as we were closing out our meeting, which had at this point involved more serious, relevant issues to our jobs:

Corey: Rob, anything for everyone?
Rob: (glancing down at his i-phone) Uh, yeah. So far, 9 people have "liked" the picture I put up of you.
Corey: My what?
Rob: I put the picture that I just took of you at your desk and I said, "He's back." (a pun playing on the back surgery that kept Corey out of the office and on bedrest.)
A contemplative pause of reflection on Rob's especially goofy demeanor that day, and then...
Corey: Is that it?
Rob:............ um..... yeah, that's it!

I have a feeling Corey is recording Rob and Ryan daily, hoping to get some substantial dialogue for the pilot episode that he will then email to Mitchell Hurwitz. Until then, I am content in our current roles and shall enjoy and continue to have meetings (and not so much have meetings.)